What just happened?

coincidence: [koh-in-si-duh-ns] n. a sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged; a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance.

chance: [chans] n. the absence of any cause of events that can be predicted, understood, or controlled.

Of course it was never going to be coincidence. There was always going to be something in the film I saw last night, which I chose to watch because it had been recommended by IQ. It was a horribly self-indulgent film (on the part of the writer/director/lead actor)... some poor acting and a high cheese factor in place, but interesting in parts and in all fairness I was too tired to finish the whole thing last night. But two things really struck me. The device used for the structuring of the narrative: The First Lesson; The Second Lesson; and so on. And the character in the protagonist's fantasy world with no legs, shuffling around on his arms, his withered stumps hanging a little below his torso. Given my previous post, and the structure thereof, I thought both of these things more than a little noteworthy.

There is a short conversation about chance in the film: "Do you believe there's a reason why people's paths cross?"..."That depends if you believe in chance or destiny." The conversation continued: "I believe chance gives us the opportunity to create our destiny."

So what hero is this I stand over on the battlefield? Free will? Destiny? Those two warriors can surely never sit comfortably with each other, and yet I can't leave either behind: I cannot choose just one of them to haul into my hall, but neither can I allow them both in, unless they are both wounded enough from battle. Even then...the danger! what scenes might ensue?!
I'm not altogether sure where I stand on this. But over these last 24 hours, with the dreams, and then the film, it is as if something has opened up, some information is getting through to me and I'm not sure how to make sense of it. Something from the depths is rising up, lurking just beneath the surface...I am no longer entirely my own.

Maybe it's not rising: maybe I'm descending into a pit, a dark and murky cavern of alternative mental states. Would I even know if I was? Wouldn't it be exactly the case that I didn't realise it, and then I'd get sectioned for being over the edge and would protest my sanity to no avail.... Could the fact that I feel my own sanity slipping away be precisely what saves me from such a fate? More importantly, how can I stay in touch with all this that is on the edge? Must I wait until it chooses me again? Is there anything I can do that will allow me further in, to welcome this information, and help it come? And ultimately, what the fuck will I do with it anyway? Maybe I'll know when it comes. If it comes.