Are we having fun yet?

Today I have a hangover. One of the most unpleasant kind... the queasy, dizzy, hot-flushy, not-sure-if-you-can-stay-upright kind. I haven't felt like this for a very very long time.

I went out gaying last night with Dick and Gilbert, whose company I always enjoy. I was under strict instructions from them and Olga to "have fun." I took my bike with me, and Gilbert spotted it for the crutch it was - "you're just using it so you won't drink too much," she observed. How very right she was, although it failed as a crutch. My alternative for last night was to go to Olga's and watch Trainspotting with her and some others. Olga of course emphasised the importance of me going out. "Let go," said Dick... "You just need to let go."

So, I guess I did. I drunk way too much (although not nearly as much as I used to pack away as an undergraduate), and got terribly maudlin, and was hyper-aware of all of my movements without truly being able to control any of them. Got home and crashed out around 1.30. I finally dragged myself out of bed some time after midday, having made a couple of unsuccessful attempts in the morning.

And now I'm in my office not doing much except regretting every pint after the third and wishing I'd done more today... so much to do...

As comfort, Olga tells me that Heinrich is convinced we're all going to die in a nuclear war so we might as well have lots of fun while we still can. I'm sort of inclined to agree, as per my previous post. And I did have a pretty good time last night, in amongst feeling guilty for drinking too much and drunkenly embarrassing myself. But in whose mind is it all fun? I would have had a perfectly nice time watching Trainspotting... choose a fucking big television... I like my life. I like working too hard, I like being a geek and going to bed before my friends. I like being able to get up early and go for a swim. I don't like feeling out of control, or unproductive. And maybe it's not other people's idea of fun, but I just don't like going out and getting bladdered. I'm quite sure no-one's suggesting that's the only way I should have fun, but I do feel it's indicative of my general misfitness that I am now resolved to continuing my so-called boring life. Choose life...