To think or not to think

Woe, woe! The sheer agony of mediocrity! I have been subjected to such banality over the last few days, such utterly mind-numbing pointless RUBBISH I have had to read...it just makes me so CROSS! My head wants to IMPLODE from the PAIN it...Woe! Woe, and triple WOE!

So often, they tick the boxes, robotic regurgitation of STUFF...just not stuff that DOES anything, or SAYS anything. It is so EMPTY. They write as if they simply don't care. Quite probably they don't. There's so much they don't know, don't want to know, don't care why it might be exciting to want to know...

I took the final step today in the story so far of my own brilliance, or at least my own CARE. Five years - nearly six until this day - of THINKING, prepared for by a previous four years, led up to by a lifetime of wanting-to-know, wanting-to-understand. There's a lot I don't care about: Wayne Rooney's f***ing metatarsal for one. But like Alice in Wonderland, 'I feel curiouser and curioser...'. I have always been curious, inquisitive, and wanted to know STUFF. I find it interesting to UNDERSTAND and KNOW. And being curious in this way seems to have made me curious...a curiosity.

I am among friends now, other Curiosities, and I feel safe. But the perennial display of banality that is Marking always makes me wonder whether it's all worth it. Maybe it would all be so much easier if I didn't THINK so much; maybe I would live in that state of ignorant bliss that is Not Paying Attention; maybe I would still have my home, the Happy Little Life that I thought I could have had...

My boys make me wonder too. As they are growing, they are displaying worrying signs of caring. Big Boy especially always wants to understand, to know how things work, and why things happen...always asking questions; he talks of beautiful flowers and lovely smells...he pays attention. He too is already doubly Curious, and I worry that I won't be there to help him be happy being so. I am not with him because my own Curiosity was considered too much. She-who-decided-this was also Curious, once upon a time, but she has decided to be a victim...she has quashed much of it, and it has made her dangerous and frustrating. The stuff of caring is there...she can care, she just doesn't want to, and she doesn't seem to want anyone else to either. Is it just safer and easier not to think, to care, to be Curious?